Sunday, December 18, 2011

Turning Point

Knock, knock, knock.

My eyes shot open. The only light was that of the tv, cutting through the darkness. My eyes slowly adjusted to being open.

Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.

I knew it was him at the door. I told him I didn't want to see him but I knew it was him.

Four more knocks.

"Jack, I know you're there. Your car is out front."

As much as I didn't want to see him, I couldn't help but walk to the front door. Putting my hand on the door knob, I froze. You can do this. Be strong. 


The start of the fall quarter was pretty standard for me. Parties, football, and light studying occupied most of my time while not in class. Jockguy also took up a lot of my time. I wasn't with him every free minute of the day but it seemed like it. We had dinner together most days, and lunch together when our schedules matched up. We went to parties and football games together. And one of us spent the night at the other's apartment more often than not. In a nutshell, things were going great.

Then came November.


Unlocking the deadbolt, I took one last breath. Keep your cool.



Jockguy stood in front of my door, head lowered, shoulders slumped, hands in his coat pocket.

"You haven't answered my calls," Jockguy said as he leaned against the door frame. "I got worried. Wanna make sure you are ok."

"I'm fine," I snapped. Jockguy winced ever so slightly and I immediately regretted my tone. We both stared at the floor, the sound of a stereotypical Oregon rain shower filling the silence.

"Can I come in?" Jockguy asked, still staring at the floor.

"Uhh... I don't think I'm ready yet."

"Jack," Jockguy said, standing up straight, "we have to talk sometime. It's been 2 weeks. You won't return my calls or texts or emails. Please talk to me. You owe me that much."

"I owe YOU?!?" My head shot straight up. My fiery eyes met Jockguy's. "Please explain to me how the fuck that works. How the fuck does your brain twist this around to me owing you?! You are un-fucking-believable."

Jockguy's jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. "You done?"

"You tell me?! Any other ways I owe you?"

"I came here to talk. You can stand there and yell obscenities at me in the doorway like some redneck asshole or you can let me come inside and yell at me behind closed doors like any other normal person. Either way, I'm not leaving until we make a decision about us."


Things started to change the first week of November. At first, it was small things. A missed dinner or lunch here and there. Things slowly started snowballing. Canceled dates and missed calls were followed by days of not seeing each other. At one point, we hadn't even kissed in 5 days.

I was angry and confused. Had I done something to piss Jockguy off? Or was he just too busy with school? Something was definitely wrong. But I was too scared to ask. I was afraid I already knew the answer.

So I kept going along.


"You want anything to drink?"

Jockguy took off his jacket and sat on the couch. "Water. Please."

I returned to the couch with 2 bottles of water. Jockguy took his and immediately guzzled half of it. I took 3 small sips and waited. He wanted this meeting, so he can be the one to start.

"I guess I'll start," Jockguy said, reading my mind. Rolling up his sleeves and shifting his body towards mine, Jockguy cleared his throat. "Jack, I hope you know how sorry I am. You have to know how much I love you and how much you mean to me."

"I know that," I said, staring at my bottle. "That's what makes this whole thing so fucked up to me. We were doing so well."

Jockguy opened his mouth, ready to reply, but pulled back.


"We weren't doing as great as you think."


By the time Thanksgiving break came around, I was done holding my tongue. I was miserable and I knew Jockguy was too. So, on my way home for the break, I stopped at Jockguy's and flat out asked "What is going on?"

The answer was more painful than I thought it would be.


"What do you mean we weren't doing great? Things were the same as they always were."


"What the hell does that mean?"

Jockguy stood up and started pacing in front of the couch. "It means that we weren't progressing. Our relationship wasn't going anywhere. It was stagnant."

"That's bullshit. We were progressing just fine."

"Oh really? Then how come I've never met your parents? Or your brothers? That's right, because they still don't know I exist."

"Fuck you! You know how much I want to come out to them. You know how much I want you to meet them."

"I know that you keep saying that. But you've been saying that for a year now. It's just words now."

"So me not being ready to come out is why you started dating someone else? Me being in the closet drove you to lie and sneak around behind my back? Sounds like a cop out to me."

"Me wanting to have an open, normal relationship isn't a cop out. I shouldn't have lied and gone behind your back. That was a dick move and I am truly sorry. But I'm not sorry for why I did it."

Jockguy stopped pacing and sat next to me. I hadn't been this close to him in 2 weeks. His scent was still intoxicating.

"Listen, I understand that you are having a hard time coming out to them. I truly understand that. It's a gut-wrenching time. But I'm getting impatient. I can't keep doing this. I feel like I am putting my whole heart into us and you are only putting in half. That's not fair to me or us."

A silence washed over the room. The two of us sat there, inches away but emotionally miles apart.

"I... I... I just don't think I can do it." I finally muttered

"I think you are wrong. I know you. I see how strong you are. You are one of the strongest people I know. I have know doubt that you can handle ANYTHING that's thrown at you. And the way you talk about your family, I know that things will be fine. They love you."

In my heart, I knew Jockguy was right. I knew that I wasn't being fair to him by not being out. He had opened up his entire life to me. And I had only opened up half. I was 2 different people. Family Jack and College Jack. He deserved to know both.

"I'm still mad at you," I said, breaking the 5minute silence.

"I know."

"No matter the reason, what you did was wrong."

"I know."

Another silence fell across the room. I was still mad and hurt but at least understood his side somewhat. It took a small amount of the sting out, though more than enough was left.

This time, Jockguy was the first to break the silence.

"I think I'm gonna go home," he said, standing up and heading for his coat.

I stood and followed him to the door. I didn't want him to leave. I needed to touch and hug him again. I needed to feel him next to me. I needed to be wrapped in his arms as we slept.

"Please don't leave," I said as he reached for the door.

"Jack, I don't think it's a g-"

"Please, just stay," I interrupted. "I need you to. Being away from you this long has killed me. I just need you next to me tonight."

That night, for the first time in almost a month, Jockguy and I fell asleep holding each other.


It's been about 2 weeks since the above conversation happened. Jockguy and I are still together. Things are rocky and aren't even close to being repaired but we are heading in a positive direction. With his help and support, I've made the decision to come out to one of my brothers. It's not the whole family but it is a big step for me.

I want to thank those of you who have stuck around during this dead period for posts.

Jack :)

Monday, September 19, 2011

Massage and Happy Ending

This summer, I picked up some extra money doing construction. I got a sweet job hookup from my uncle. I worked a couple times a week and got paid very well... under the table of course :)

For the most part, it was all grunt work. In other words, I lifted shit all day lol. Bags of concrete, lumber, piping, etc. This, as you can imagine, caused some sore muscles. Luckily for me, I had Jockguy. After whining about how sore I was after the first day, he caved and started giving me nightly massages. Not just back rubs, but full on massages. Oil and everything :)

A couple weeks ago, Jockguy left town for a couple days and I had to fend for myself. I was online browsing around the usual sites when I got a message. It was from James, a guy I had been talking to for about a year but had never met up with. 

Why? Well, he's not my type. He's cute and fucking hilarious but he is chubby. He's around 6ft and 260ish. I don't have anything against chubby guys but I'm not attracted to them sexually. We started talking about a year ago. He hit me up on one of the hookup sites and, even though I wasn't into him, his message was so funny and intelligent, I had to respond back. Since then we talk about 3 times a week, mostly online. It's actually a cool friendship. I talk to him about Jockguy and my life and he talks about his life and school. Hooking up has never seriously come up. 

Anyways, I digress.

So, I get a message from James and read it. It's the usual "How are you?" message. I respond and we go back and forth. After some small talk, we get on the subject of the work. I had mentioned before about my construction job. He asked me how that was going.

"It's great but I'm sore from all the lifting."

"Dude, you have bf to rub you down. Why the fuck are you complaining? ;)" 

"I know asshole but he is outta town!"

"That sucks. Looks like you'll have to suffer through it."

Suffering through it sounded HORRIBLE. I had gotten used to Jockguy's strong hands massaging the pain away. I couldn't let myself endure the pain anymore (lol). While James isn't my ideal type, he's intelligent, funny, and nice. He's a pretty good guy. And besides, it's just a massage. I decided to throw out the bait and see if it took.

"Well, not exactly. I could always get a massage from someone else...  :) " 

"Haha, true. Looks like a craigslist ad is in your future!"

"Hahaha. No, I don't want some random guy. He'll take "massage" as an invitation to fuck me and I really just want a massage."

"Awww, does the hot guy have too many offers for sex from other hot guys?!? I feel SO sorry for you..."

"You are rather mouthy today!"

"I know :) "

At this point, I was sure I wanted him to massage me. Being able to verbally spar with me gives you huge bonus points.

"Well, asshole, I was actually wondering if YOU would want to massage me :) "

I waited for his response. And waited. After what seemed like 10min, it came.

"Are you being serious?"

"Yeah" I typed back.


"Yup :) "

"Wow. Ok, sure."

"All I get is a "sure"? Where's the enthusiasm?! ;) "

"lol. I'm kinda shocked. I'm not exactly your type, even if it's just a massage."

"I know. But you are funny and smart and fun to talk to. Plus, you probably have really strong hands from jerking off all time...  :) "

"I don't have to jerk off. Your mom's mouth does the trick."

"Is that a yes?"

"I guess so!"

I gave James my address and told him to be there in 30min.

After logging off, I hopped in the shower and got ready. 

At exactly the given time, there was a knock at the door. Wearing a pair of jogging pants and a wife beater, I headed towards the door. Opening the door, I could instantly tell James was a nervous wreck. His head was down and his hands were fiddling with his keys.

"Hey!" I said, letting him in. "Nice to finally meet you." I gave him a big smile in hopes of comforting him. It helped ever so slightly.

"Uhh, yeah. Nice to meet you."

James walked in the door a few feet and stood nervously.

"Can I get you something to drink? Beer? Coke? Water?" I made my way to the kitchen before he could answer.

"Uhh... sure..."

"Which one?" I chuckled.

"Whatever you are having."

I grabbed two cans of Coke and headed into the front room.

"Have a seat."

James sat next to me on the couch and stared at his Coke.

"Don't be so nervous," I said, patting him on the shoulder.

"Sorry. It's just... You are more attractive in person." James let out a nervous laugh started to blush.

"I guess I need to take new pics then!" I leaned back in the couch and opened my pop.

James followed suit. He started to relax a bit.

"So, where's Jockguy?" he asked, after a couple minutes of silence.

"Visiting some family. He'll be gone for about a week."

"Oh. Is he ok with me being here? I mean, not that anything will... you know, happen. But... is it ok?"

His nervousness made him really fucking cute. He's cute to begin with but for some reason, the nervousness amplified it.

"Yeah, he's cool with it. We have certain rules and understandings." 

"Oh. Good."

A couple more minutes of silence and I could still tell James was pretty nervous. I leaned forward and put my hand on his knee.

"James, it's ok. We know each other. We've been talking for a year."

"I know. I'm just a shy guy. I get nervous easily. I was actually going to smoke a bowl before I got over here to relax me but didn't want to drive stoned."

"Well, shit. Come with me." I grabbed James' hand and led him to my room. I grabbed my... supply box :)  

"Here. Come take a hit," I said as I loaded my pipe.

A bowl and a half later and James had definitely settled down. We both sat on my bed, enjoying the high.

"So, you want to get this started?" James asked.

"Wow, pot does wonders for your nerves. You just said something voluntarily."

"I know. Now you won't be able to get me to shut up."

I got up and stripped down to my underwear. After hesitating a second, I decided to have fun and get completely naked. 

The look on James' face was priceless. His mouth slightly dropped and he gulped. I smiled and sprawled out on the bed, face first. 

"Uhh... should I get... should I keep my clothes on... or?" James stammered.

"Up to you."

After a couple seconds, I heard his shirt and jeans hit the floor. Then I heard him open and oil his hands. After  a couple more seconds, his hands, which were indeed strong, met my sore calves.

Between the pot and awesome feeling of the message, I was high as a fucking kite. Pure bliss. James worked over EVERY part of my body. Toes, feet, calves, thighs, ass, back, neck, arms. He even rubbed my palms. 

And, to my slight surprise, I was getting turned on. A lot. His warm, strong hands sent shock waves throughout my body every time he pressed on my quads. My cock pulsed every time he grabbed my ass cheeks and squeezed them. My cock began to get very hard as it pressed against my stomach and the bed. Every touch made more precum leak out.

After a good 45 minutes to an hour of this, I decided I needed to get off. While James was giving my feet a third go around, I lifted my head and looked at him. 

"So... uhh... usually about now, Jockguy and I are rolling around naked together."

James gave me a very inquisitive look. When he didn't say anything, I decided to keep going.

"It would be ok with me if you wanted to go a little further." I rolled on my back and grabbed my hard, leaking cock. 

Without saying a word, James moved in between my legs. Slowly, he reached a hand out and grabbed my dick. Stroking it, he looked at me, almost scared to go further. I gave him a smile and laid my head back, thrusting my cock up a little. Soon, I felt his warm mouth engulf my dick.

Slow and steady, James began to suck me. His right hand rubbed my balls as his left wandered up and down my body. I began to rub his head and shoulders. He begin to pick up his pace and pressure. His hand slid from my balls to my ass and circled. I spread my legs a bit, inviting him to touch my hole. He caught on and was soon rubbing my hole. After a couple seconds, a finger slipped in. Then another. 

Soon he was finger fucking and deepthroating me. His fingers kept hitting my prostate, sending wave after wave of pleasure through my body. My balls started to tighten. My legs started to tingle. 

"I'm gonna cum!" I yelled.

James deepthroated me and kept it there. His fingers hit my prostate again. I burst down his throat. Shot after shot of my hot jizz coated his throat. James pulled off my cock a little. I shot 2 more streams into his mouth, where he savored the taste. 

His fingers still inside me, James suckled every last drop out of my dick. I slowly became soft inside his mouth. He slid his fingers out of me and collapsed on the bed. 

"Holy shit." I exclaimed.

"Yeah, I know."

James and I laid on the bed and after about 10 minutes, enjoyed another bowl. We talked and laughed. After about an hour we hit up one my favorite food spots (The Jail! Fucking delicious!)

I have to admit, chubby or not, James could flat out suck. One of the 10 best blowjobs I've every gotten. Despite me not being attracted to him, that was one of the hottest bj sessions I've ever been a part of.


Sunday, August 28, 2011

What's Your "Number"?

Was reading the Manhunt Daily blog the other day and they had a post asking their readers about the number of sexual partners they had been with. I read some of the comments on the post and thought it was fucking hilarious.

Afterwards, I started thinking about how many I have been with, both guys and girls. I started counting. I counted hookups where at least oral sex was performed. And the number I came up with SHOCKED me. It made me happy and somewhat ashamed lol.

Why ashamed? Well, first off, I don't have an exact number! It's so high I have to estimate. Plus, for the last week I keep remembering random hook ups I've had and have added them to the count. And secondly, I don't know 3/4 of their names!

So, I'm here to ask you guys if my number is too high, too low, or just right :)

My number is... for guys - approximately 60 in 3 years
                         for girls - 11 in 6 years

That means in the 6 years I have been sexually active, I have been with about 70 people. 70! That's more than 11 a year! Almost 1 a month! I don't even KNOW 70 people!

How slutty does that make me? What is your special number?

Friday, August 19, 2011

The Prodigal Son Returns

Hey everyone. I'm still alive and kicking. I didn't break up with Jockguy, I haven't dropped out of school, I wasn't outed, I'm not HIV positive, I didn't get kidnapped. I've just had a horrible summer.

As much as I like to share, the reason(s) for me being gone don't have anything to do with the blog and are actually fairly boring. They have, however, been mostly resolved/dealt with.

So I am here, writing, ready to get this little blog up and running again :)

In 15 days, my Ducks begin their quest to make it to back-to-back BCS Title games. And with football comes a new school year, and with a new school year comes hot guys, and with hot guys cums me :)

Friday, June 17, 2011

Spring Break, Pt. 1 (sex)

Well, I promised and promised and it's finally here! A rundown of my Spring Break trip to Cali with Jockguy!

Tuesday, March 22 -

Driving from Portland to Eugene, I felt my phone vibrate. It was Jockguy.

"I'm on my way!" I answered defensively.

"Fuck, we supposed to leave an hour ago!" Jockguy laughed.

"Did you really expect me to be on time?"

"Of course not." I am notorious for being late. Always.

But this hadn't been my fault. I had spent the weekend after finals at home. When I told my parents about my planned trip a couple weeks prior, my mom let it be known that if I was going to be gone for the entire week I was "sure as hell going to make an appearance" the weekend before. I can't argue with that.

I got to Jockguys place and after a couple minutes of packing the car, we were on our way.

"Damn, only 2 hours behind schedule. That's not that bad," I said, pulling onto I5.

"'Not that bad'?!?" Jockguy said.

"Not for me."

"That's true. I was expecting to leave till the morning."

"You're a jackass."

The trip would take us about 15 hours south, to the L.A. area for the first night. We decided to head straight to L.A. without stopping. I love to drive and have driven Portland to L.A. a couple times nonstop, so this was nothing new. The second part of the trip would take us to the San Diego area. Jockguy, bless his heart, had sweet-talked one of his aunts into letting us stay in her vacation condo in San Diego.

The journey to L.A. was awesome. Jockguy and I talked a lot. In fact, looking back, that was one of my favorite parts of the trip. When we weren't talked we were listening to music. And Jockguy dosed off a couple times, only to be woken up by me poking him (I got hit a couple time for that lol).

15 hours later we arrived at our hotel. We checked in and immediately went to bed. Too tired to even think about sex, we cuddled and fell asleep.

Wednesday, March 23 -

I woke up to the sound of Jockguy talking and laughing on the phone. I groggily looked at the bedside clock. 10:30am. Way too early to be awake after getting into the hotel around 4am, I thought.

"Uh oh, he's awake," Jockguy laughed. "I'll call you back."

"I'm not awake, leave me alone," I mumbled.

"That was Sarah, she just got outta class," Jockguy said, ignoring me. Sarah's Spring Break was different than ours. She decided to skip the rest of the week. "Check out is at noon. Get up."

I opened one eye to see Jockguy standing over me, fully showered and dressed.

"Are you already dressed?" I mumbled.

"Yup. Been awake for an hour. Your turn."

"Go to hell," I said, stuffing my head under my pillow. "I'm fucking tired. I didn't get to sleep on the drive down like you did."

"Cry me a fucking river. Get up!" Jockguy pulled the covers off me, exposing my naked body. Then he broke my biggest rule - he tickled me.


Laughing, Jockguy relented. He hopped on the bed next to me and pulled me into a hug.

"Fuck off," I laughed as I pushed him away. "You know I hate that."

"It's the only thing that gets your ass up in the morning. Besides, Sarah told me to do it."


"That's what we were talking about when you woke up," Jockguy smiled. "She called and asked if you were up yet. Told me I had her permission to tickle you."

"Her permission?! I'm gonna fucking kill her!"

"Go get dressed first," Jockguy said, slapping my ass.

While in the shower, I started to think about what I was about to do. I was hours away from having my ex girlfriend meet my boyfriend. I was still nervous about the whole thing. Jockguy and Sarah had been talking on the phone for a couple months and already seemed like old friends. But it was still weird to me. I began to get really nervous.

After I got dressed, Jockguy and I grabbed a quick bite to eat and headed out towards Sarah's apartment. The drive to her place should have only taken 25 min but this is L.A. we're talking about! 1.5 hours later, we arrived at Sarah's place. At this point, I was a fucking wreck. As I turned off the car, Jockguy looked at me and noticed.

"It's going to be fine, Jack." He reached down and grabbed my hand, giving it a tight squeeze. "I love you."

That settled my nerves down just enough to get me out of the car and onto the apartment.

We reached the Sarah's door and I knocked. The nerves were suddenly back. After what seemed like an eternity, the door opened.

"Hey!" Sarah said as we hugged tightly. "I'm so glad you are here!"

"Me too."

Sarah and I hugged tightly for about 30 seconds. She smelled amazing. We finally released each other.

"I grabbed Jockguy's hand and pulled him closer to the door.

"This is Jockguy."

"It's nice to finally meet you!" Sarah said as they hugged.

"Come on in," she said, pulling us inside.

We made our way into the front room and onto the couches. Sarah and I hugged once more before sitting down.

"I can't believe you are here... He still nervous?" Sarah asked Jockguy.

"Yeah. You should have seen his face in the car when we got here. It was hilarious."

"Fuck both of you!" I exclaimed.

"I'm surprised you are here on time. I figured Jack would sleep longer." Sarah ignored me and kept talking to Jockguy.

"Well, I might have tickled him to get his ass up." Jockguy giggled.

"Ha! You broke "the rule"!" Sarah said, air-quoting THE RULE. They both began laughing.

"Wow. I hate this already," I sighed.

For the next hour or so, the three of us sat in Sarah's apartment and talked. She and Jockguy hit it off immediately. It was like they had known each other forever. My nerves and anxiousness subsided and soon I was almost completely comfortable.

After catching up, we packed Sarah's bags in the car and hit the road. The drive down was awesome. We cut over to the Pacific Coast Highway and took that for a while, stopping here and there to swim or eat or take pictures. It ended up taking us about 5 hours to make the normally 2-3 hour drive, but when you are having fun, who cares?

We found the condo building and made our way to ours. Jockguy unlocked the door and led the way. The place was amazing. The views of the city and water were awesome.

"I didn't know you were rich," I said to Jockguy as I stared out the window.

"I'm not. My aunt is."

"Well, make sure you are in her will then. This place is awesome."

"Which room do you want," Sarah shouted from the hallway. I looked at Jockguy and shrugged his shoulders.

"Doesn't matter to me. Go pick," he told me.

I walked down the white carpeted hallway and found Sarah laying on the bed in one of the rooms.

"I see you have already picked your room," I said, sitting next to her on the bed.

"Yeah, I figured I'd take this one and you guys could have the one a couples doors over. You'll need your privacy." She gave me a huge smile.

"Privacy? I thought this was going to be a hot ménage à trois vacation!"

"Jack!" Sarah squealed as she hit me. "Come on, that's gross... Although, I wouldn't mind a shot at Jockguy!"

"Bitch, I will cut you!" I grabbed a pillow and beat a laughing Sarah over the head with it a couple times.

With the rooms picked and bags unpacked, we all gathered in the living room. After lounging and watching tv for a while, Jockguy announced he was hungry.

"Do you wanna walk or drive around and find a place?" I asked them both.

"I kinda just want to stay in," Jockguy said, with a slight whine in his voice.

"Me too," Sarah chipped in. "You should make us something."

"Yeah!" Jockguy said, perking up. "Make that chicken thing I like."

"The one with the garlic and lemon?" Sarah asked Jockguy. He nodded. "I love when you used to make that!" she exclaimed.

I stood there, staring at both of them, lounging on the couch, feet up.

"This isn't a fucking restaurant. You don't get to order things," I laughed. "I saw a grocery store up the road. I'll be back with... something."

That night, I made Jockguy and Sarah my version of chicken scampi. Neither said a word as we sat at the dinner table because they were too busy concentrating on eating every last morsel of chicken and pasta.

After our late dinner, Sarah went to bed. Jockguy and I stayed on the couch, cuddled up watching tv.

"Thanks for dinner," Jockguy said, "but how are we supposed to makeout after all that garlic?"

"Why do you think I made it?"

"Ha! You aren't getting out of it that easily." Jockguy turned his body towards mine and gave me a deep kiss.

"See? Garlic can't keep a sexy guy down," Jockguy said, smiling. "Let's go to bed." Jockguy hopped up, pulled me off the couch, and led me down the hall to our bedroom. When the door was closed, Jockguy pushed me onto the bed and climbed on top of me. We were soon making out as we furiously tried to get each other naked.

Jockguy unbuttoned my shorts and dragged them and my underwear off. I lifted his shirt over his head, exposing his perfect torso. Soon, we were both naked, our bodies coming together as we ground against one another. Jockguy's rock hard dick felt like fire against my thighs and abs. His arms engulfed me, letting me inhale his intoxicating scent. He grabbed my hands and pinned them above my head. He interlocked his fingers in mine. A river of precum flowed from my cock, slicking up our abs. We both began to sweat.

"I love you," I whispered in Jockguy's ear. "I want you to fuck me." I lifted my legs, wrapping them around Jockguy's waist. I could feel the shaft of his cock resting against my waiting hole.

Looking into my eyes but not saying anything, Jockguy spit in his hand, lubed his cock and lined it up with my pucker. Slowly, he pushed his rod deep inside me. After bottoming out, Jockguy laid over me and kissed me as he pumped his cock in and out of my very happy ass.

Jockguy began to pound me. Every time he thrust in, he let all his body weight fall, slamming his dick as deep inside me as he could get.

"Oh my God... Keep fucking me... Keep fucking me," I pleaded.

"I love you... I fucking... love you," Jockguy grunted.

After a couple more thrusts, Jockguy pulled out and told me to get on my stomach. For the split second he wasn't inside me, I felt empty.

On my stomach, Jockguy climbed on top of me and covered me. His legs on mine, his stomach on my back, his arms on my arms. He put his hands on mine and our fingers were soon locked together. He soon slid his cock all the way back in, picking up from where he left off moments before.

As he fucked me, Jockguy kiss my neck and cheek. Our bodies, slick with gallons of sweat, became hotter and stickier. Jockguy smelled amazing. His sweaty body had an undeniable manly scent. I was high off his scent.

We remained in that position, our bodies seemingly melted into one. After God knows how many minutes or hours after we began, I felt Jockguys body tense. His pace quickened slightly. His breathing increased.

With a primal grunt, Jockguy shot his beautiful load deep inside my well used ass. Clenching my hole around his spewing cock, I could feel it spasm. Jockguy's body let out a little spasm as well. We bothed laid there, exhausted by the day and the day's recent activities. Jockguy's hot, sweaty body clung to my hot, sweaty body. He rested his head on back. Our hand were still intertwined, only now I had brought them close to me so Jockguy's arm wrapped me into a tight hug.

After a couple minutes, his empty cock still buried in my ass, Jockguy rotated us so we were spooning.

"Jack, I love you," he whispered in my ear.

"I love you too."

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Summer. Is. Here.

Today around 3PM, my summer officially began! I'm done with classes... for now. Might be taking a class or two this summer because I'm a nerd :) But until then I am officially done!

I just want to thank everyone who has stuck around through the delays in posts! I'm hoping to get something posted soon.

Oh, and btw, thanks for all the name suggestions! Didn't expect that many! I've decided on Jack. Nice traditional guys name. Plus, I don't personally know any Jacks. I didn't want a name of someone I knew. That would have been awkward for me lol.

Anyways, thanks again for sticking with me!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Give Me a New Name

I'm back :)

Before I post any new stories, I need some help. I need a new fucking name! I need a real name because writing "C.C." is annoying the fuck out of me!

Any suggestions?

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I'm Still Alive

Some of you have written to make sure I'm still breathing. Yes, I'm alive. And I really do apologize for being MIA the last month. I wish I had a great excuse but I don't lol. I just haven't been up for writing anything lately. But I can feel that changing :)

So, thanks for worrying, but I'm fine! Hopefully I'll have a Spring Break update soon. The trip was awesome. Expensive, but awesome. Jockguy and Sarah loved each other. They bonded over picking on me lol.

Anyways, sorry again for the lack of posts! Thanks for reading!


Monday, March 21, 2011

Spring Break Update

Just wanted to update you all on the last couple of weeks. Finals went AMAZINGLY well. I aced all my tests/papers and even ended up with the 2nd-highest grade in one of my classes (The chick who beat me is a brown-nosing bitch... Not that I'm bitter...)

Spring Break is here! And it couldn't have come at a better time! I need the break! Jockguy and I will be taking a roadie down to Cali to see Sarah. I'm so excited slash nervous! I know it will be fun and everything but introducing my bf to my ex-gf seems a little odd lol. But they both assure me it's going to be fine. They have been talking to each other on the phone and have bonded by telling stories about me putting my foot in my mouth... I'm sure I'll have plenty of stories to tell when I get back :)

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Telling Jockguy about the Blog

I've been writing this blog since last July. In that time, I have never told Jockguy about it. And he has never acknowledged that he knows about it. When I first started, I told myself I had to tell him. He's a huge part of my life and it's not fair that he doesn't know I'm writing about him. But every time I decided to tell him, I'd chicken out and decide to wait a little while longer.

Well, last weekend, I decided to nut up and tell him. I waited until after we fucked and were in bed about to sleep.

"I have to tell you something that isn't too serious but still kinda important."

"Uhh, ok. Is everything ok?" Jockguy said, propping himself on an elbow and looking down at me.

"Yeah, everything's fine... Ummm, you know how I like to write, right?"

"Yeah." Jockguy looked puzzled.

"Well, I've been writing a blog..." I hesitated. "... about my sex life."

Jockguy gave me a confused look. I think he was trying to figure out if I was joking or not.

"Seriously?" he asked.

"Yeah." I sat up and put my knees up. I lowered my head, ashamed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

"Ok... You hide your identity, right? You don't use your real name. Or my name."

"No, not at all. I gave us fake names and don't write about things that will ID us. I'm careful about that. I don't want people to know it's me."

"What's my name?" he asked with a smirk.


"My fake name. You said you gave us fake names. What's mine?"

I went from ashamed to embarrassed.

"Come on, who cares... Are you ok with it?"

"I don't know. Tell me my name first." Jockguy started poking me.

"Come on. Stop! God, you're a child."

"Coming from you, that carries no weight. Tell me!"

"Ok... I call you 'Jockguy'. Happy?"

"'Jockguy'? What the fuck kind of name is 'Jockguy'?"

"I don't know. I just called you that and it stuck. Can we be serious for a second."

"No. What's your 'name'?" Jockguy said, air-quoting "name".

"I'm going to sleep." I laid down, my back to Jockguy and pulled the covers over myself.

"Is it 'Muscleguy'? Or 'Meathead'?" Jockguy asked in a very mocking tone.

"God I hate you. Go to sleep."

"IOr is it like an Indian name? 'Fartsinhissleep'?" Jockguy burst into laughter.

"I fucking hate you right now," I said with an angry laugh. "You ruined the moment. I was trying to tell you something personal and you fucked it up."

Jockguy was unfazed by my mostly fake disappointment.

"I know what it is! Since I'm 'Jockguy' you must be 'Jockgirl'!"

This time I started laughing. I was sooo pissed at him but it was funny. He always makes me laugh, even when I'm pissed. I hate it!

Jockguy got out of bed and grabbed his laptop off his desk. He crawled back in bed and logged on.

"What's it called?" he asked.

"You aren't gonna look at it now are you?"

"Uhh, yeah."

"I don't want you to read it while I'm here."


"I don't know. It's embarrassing."

"Then why do you write it?"

"No, you reading it is embarrassing."

"Babe, it's fine. I want to read it." Jockguy said with a smile. How can I say no to that smile?!

"And you won't get upset or mad?"

"Why? Did you write something that will make me upset or mad?"

"Well, no but... I don't know. I'm just not sure what your reaction is gonna be."

"You on your period this week?!"

"Fuck you," I laughed, grabbing the laptop. I google-searched the blog and had it opened to my first post in seconds. "Here it is. But be fore you read it, you have to do something for me."


I leaned over and gave Jockguy a deep kiss.

"That," I said pulling away.

Jockguy took the laptop and began reading. Within seconds he began laughing.


"Shut up and read!" I shouted over my shoulder as I laid nervously.

Jockguy began reading. And reading. And reading. At some point I dozed off. I woke up who knows how long later and Jockguy was still reading.

"You still reading?" I asked in a groggy and scratchy voice.

"Just a sec."

I waited for about 5 minutes until Jockguy was done with his current entry. He closed the laptop and set it aside. He crawled under the covers. I laid my head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around me. I waited for him to say something.

"So, what did you think?" I asked, unable to take the silence.

"I like it," he answered, giving me a squeeze with his arm.


"Yeah. It's hot. The stories are hot. Every story was like being back in the moment it actually happened. I think you should change your major to Writing."

"Thanks. That means so much coming from you. I was scared to tell you about it."

"Why? You know you can do no wrong with me."

"Can I get that in writing?"

"I like it but you HAVE to change my name. Give me a real name. And give yourself a real name too."

"I was actually thinking about giving myself one. I hate writing 'C.C.' instead of a real name. I think it sounds dumb. But I like 'Jockguy'."

"I could be 'Bernard' and you could be 'Willard'," Jockguy deadpanned.

"Oh God. 'Bernard pounded my ass and said "Take it Willard!"'. That's not going to give anyone a boner!"

"Good point."

Jockguy and I continued talking about names for about 15 min. Some were serious but most were dumb. At one point, I suggested "Holden McGroin" for him.

When we had exhausted our brains of funny names, we cuddled up and went to sleep. The next day, Jockguy finished all the posts. He reiterated how much he liked them by giving me a HARD pounding that night.

After he came, he looked at me and said, "That was definitely blog-worthy." :)

Friday, March 4, 2011

Back-up Blog is Running!

I set up a back-up blog in case Google decides to take down this one.

I will update this "new" blog when I update here. I prefer the look and feel of this blog, so I'm going to keep this as the main blog until I have to change. Anyways, thanks for all the help and suggestions!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Very Important! Please Read!

I have gotten a couple emails and comments in the last week or so about Google deleting some gay sex blogs. So far, this hasn't happened here (knock on wood!). I need some help in case this does happen. I am not the most computer savvy guy and am not sure what my options are for continuing this blog elsewhere. Are there other free host sites I can run my blog through? If anyone has any information, I'd like to know. I have created a new email in case my gmail account gets deleted along with the blog. If anyone has any good info, please let me know! Write to this email:

ALSO - if I do get deleted before letting you guys know about another location for the blog, feel free to email me at the new address above.

I really like having this blog. Writing and hearing feedback from you all has been almost therapeutic. I just wanted you to know I'll be around if Google decides the content of this blog is unfit for their company (dbags!).

Thanks for reading!


Friday, February 25, 2011

Sloppy Seconds for Jockguy

On my walk home from Mike's place, I got a call from Jockguy.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"On my way back to my place."

"From where?"

"A friend's." That was our code word for hook up.

"Oh, really? Feel like making it two in one night?"

I laughed. "Do you think I'm a whore or something?"

"No, of course not. Whores get paid... You're just a slut," Jockguy deadpanned.

"Wow, that was a me comment."

"Annoying, isn't it?"

"Slightly." I paused. I really needed to get home and start my paper. But I was always in the mood to see Jockguy. Sex or not. "Ok," I caved. "I'm a couple blocks away. I'll be there in 5 minutes."

As I made my way towards Jockguy's apartment, I got hard. I always did when I was headed to his place. There have been so many great memories there :)

After a couple minutes, I arrived and knocked on Jockguy's door. I heard footsteps, then the deadbolt unlock. The door opened and there was Jockguy, shirtless, in jogging pants.

"Come on in, sexy," Jockguy said, pulling me into a kiss. We kissed in the doorway as Jockguy ran his hands up and down my body.

"This is the best greeting I've ever received," I said as we ended our kiss.

"I missed you!"

"I saw you what... 8 hours ago?"

"Doesn't mean I can't miss you, jackass." Jockguy smiled.

"Well, I missed you too," I said as we walked into the front room and sat on the couch. Jockguy laid on his back, laying his feet and calves on my lap. I started to rub his feet.

Jockguy grabbed the remote and started flipping through the channels while I rubbed his feet.

After about 10 minutes and 6 times through the channels, Jockguy suggested a movie. Having blownoff my homework and paper for the night, I agreed.

"What do you wanna watch?" Jockguy asked, looking through his collection of dvds.

"I don't care," I replied honestly.

"You ALWAYS say that!"

"And I ALWAYS mean it!"

"Ok, but that means you can't bitch if you don't like it."

"Ok. Just don't pick something stupid then!"

"I hate you."

After about 5 minutes, Jockguy decided on "The Departed", which happens to be one of my favorite movies. Jockguy put it in the dvd player and resumed his position on the couch, this time his head in my lap.

Jockguy and I watch movies and tv the same way - silently. We don't talk. At all. We cuddle, hold hands, rub each other's feet, things like that but we never talk. I HATE when people talk during movies lol.

The movie ended and Jockguy turned the tv off. I was now the one getting my feet rubbed.

"Which 'friend' did you see?!"

"What?" I asked, caught off guard.

"Which 'friend' did you see earlier tonight." Jockguy gave me his trademark evil-smirk.

"What if I don't want to tell you?"

"Then I'll have to kick your ass." Jockguy stood up in front of me. "So, who was it?"

"Not telling!" I laughed.

Jockguy then did something unacceptable. He KNOWS I hate it. He KNOWS he's not supposed to do it... He reached down and started squeezing/tickling my knees.

I am EXTREMELY ticklish. And I hate it. I start to flail. My arms and legs go out in every direction. I fucking hate it!

"HEY! WHAT THE FUCK! STOP!" I screamed as I began to convulse and flail on the couch. Jockguy pounced on top of me and began tickling my sides.

"Better tell me! Who was it?!"

Jockguy had me pinned to the couch and all my flailing was ineffective.


Jockguy stopped the tickling but remained on top of me. I was huffing, trying to catch my breath.

"You are such... an asshole."

"You brought it upon yourself," Jockguy said with a smile.

"What's my number 1 rule?" I asked.

"No tickling. Under any circumstances," Jockguy replied, without hesitation.

"You just broke that rule."

"You aren't exactly in a position to lecture," Jockguy said as he grabbed my arms and pinned them to the couch.

He was right. If I didn't watch myself, he'd start again. I know when I'm beat.

"Ok, I'll tell you... Can I sit up?"

"No. I like this arrangement much better."

I couldn't help but smile as Jockguy sat on top of me, taking control of the night.

"I was at Mike's," I confessed.


"He fucked me."



"He cum in you?"


"Did you like it?"


"You want me to fuck you?"


"You want it hard?"


"You want me to cum in you?"


Jockguy released his grip on my arms and pushed himself up. He grabbed me and pulled me up off the couch. He started kissing and nibbling my neck. His 3-day stubble felt amazing on my skin. He kissed his way up my neck to my ear and began nibbling my earlobe, which drives me fucking WILD!

"I'm gonna make you forget every other guy you've ever been with," Jockguy whispered in my ear.

When he said that, I literally got weak in the knees. I felt myself melt. He could do to me whatever he wanted. I was all his. I knew it. He knew it. Hell, the coffee table knew it.

Jockguy grabbed me by the hand and marched me to his room. After closing and locking his door, he turned around and faced me. Leaning against his door, Jockguy stared at me. We made eye contact and kept it. It was almost as if we were eye-fucking.

After a minute or two, I needed real fucking. I undid my belt and jeans and let them slide to my ankles. My cock was rock hard and tented my boxer briefs. I had a huge wetspot in front from my pre-cum leaking cock. Jockguy responded by silently walking over to me. He reached down and cupped my hard dick and balls. He released them and used his hands to pull my shirt off.

Our bare chests and abs met as Jockguy pulled me closer. Our foreheads and noses touched. I could feel his warm breath on my lips. Our hands explored each other's arms, backs, sides, and asses.

Jockguys hands made their way into the waistband of my underwear. He slowly pushed them down and they fell to my feet. Jockguy reached his hands behind me and took grabbed my ass, one cheek in each hand. He pressed his lips to mine, opening them to allow our tongues to meet. As our kiss intensified, Jockguy's grip on my ass increased. He was now squeezing and pulling my ass apart.

Suddenly, without a word or warning, Jockguy's hands released my ass. He pulled away from our kiss and pushed me onto his bed. Before I knew it, Jockguy had his jogging pants off and was crawling on the bed naked.

We met and continued to makeout, our naked bodies rubbing against one another. Jockguy's hard dick pressed hotly against my stomach as he ground on top of me. He grabbed my wrists and pinned my hands above my head.

Jockguy pulled away from lips and move to my neck. He kissed and bit. He rubbed his stubble around, giving me an unbelievable sensation. His kissing and nibbling headed south from there. Along my pecs and nipples. Down my abs and treasure trail. Soon, he was kissing and licking around the base of my cock.

With his left hand, Jockguy grabbed my leaking dick and brought it to his mouth. He licked and sucked the stream of pre-cum flowing from the head. As he did that, his right index finger made it's way to my sloppy hole. Jockguy began sucking my cock and fingering my hole.

He took my cock all the way in his mouth and began flexing his neck muscles and humming. At the same time, he added his middle finger to my ass, as he fastly finger fucked me. I threw my head back and began moaning. I grabbed his silky hair and made his head bob up and down on my cock.

After a very short time, I was ready to shoot.

"You have to stop! I'm gonna cum!" I yelled, looking down at Jockguy.

But he didn't stop. He looked up at me and inserted a 3rd finger. He started finger fucking me even faster. I felt my nuts tighten. My cock began to tingle. My ass started clenching.

And just at that moment, Jockguy stopped. He pulled his fingers out and spit out my cock. That FUCKER!

Jockguy grabbed my legs and flung them over his shoulder. He leaned over and spit on his dick. After lining his cock up with my hole, he plunged it in. Having been both fucked and finger fucked in the last 4 hours, my hole was ready for it. It accepted his cock with little restraint.

As Jockguy filled me up in one swift motion, I instinctively grabbed my cock.

"No, no, no," Jockguy said, grabbing both my wrists and wrapping them in a tight grip. "You don't get off until I say so."

With that, Jockguy began to fuck me. He started slow, steady, and deep. He would pull almost all the way out and push all the way back in. He put his arms behind my legs and leanded forward, lifting my ass so he could get as deep as possible. Every now and then he would lean down and we would kiss. I was in heaven.

After his slow and steady fucking for who knows how long, Jockguy changed positions. Without pulling out, Jockguy put me on my side and spooned me. His sweaty chest and stomach stuck to my back, creating an intense heat. I turned my head so I could see Jockguy. He looked at me and smiled.

Jockguy slowly began fucking me again. I arched my back so I could get him as deep inside of me as possible. He perched himself up on his bedside elbow and began kissing my neck and shoulder. At the same time, he started to pick up speed in his fucking. He started slamming into my ass, sending shock waves throughout my body. He grabbed my waist with his free hand and began pulling my body towards him with every thrust.

I began moaning almost uncontrollably. Every thrust elicited another sound from deep inside of me. Jockguy's pounding got so hard, I felt like I was going to blackout. I literally got light headed. Everytime I thought that was as hard as he could fuck me, he kicked it up a notch. This was one of my top 3 hardest fucks. And it felt fucking AMAZING!

To be honest, I don't know how long he fucked me like this. It seemed like forever. I lost track of time. I lost track of everything except the feeling of Jockguy inside me.

Eventually, Jockguy released my waist and grabbed my cock. And within 3 jerks, I exploded. I shot a HUGE load. And I felt like I was high. I laid my head on the bed as the sensation of getting fucked and getting off became one.

The site of me cumming and my ass clenching must have set Jockguy off. After a couple more forceful thrusts into my used hole, he unloaded a massive load. I could feel his cock pulse in my ass as he seeded me. Jockguy let out an inaudible moan as he filled my chute with his hot seed.

Jockguy stayed buried deep inside of me. He grabbed me around the stomach and pulled me into a big hug. I turned my head towards him and we kissed.

I couldn't say anything. No words could have properly described what I was feeling. I let my body do the talking. I voiced my appreciation through the deepest kiss we have ever shared.

After our post-sex kiss, Jockguy wrapped his muscled arm around me and pulled me in as close as possible. Our hands and fingers intertwined as we laid in our sex induced ecstasy.

Just as I was about to fall asleep, Jockguy whispered in my ear.

"I love you."

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Return of Mike

First off, I'd like to thanks everyone for the comments and emails about the Straight Past posts. I was nervous about writing them as I wasn't sure if they'd be well received but I've only gotten positive feedback! And to update you on Sarah, she and I talk/text 3 or 4 times a week. We hung out almost everyday during Winter break. And I have tentative plans to take Jockguy down to Cali to meet her during Spring Break!

Back to this post. This is the return of Mike, the hot guy I met in class last summer. If you need a refresher, click here.

In the week after our initial hook up, Mike and I hooked up a couple more times. But after our class was over, he left Eugene and went back home for the rest of the summer. When school started back up, he called me. We met up twice but had pretty full, and different, schedules.

This term is different. As I have mentioned, last term was horrible for me. It was the first time I have hated school here. This term has been the opposite. My professors are great and my workload is tough but manageable. I also scaled back my hours at work, so I have much more free time on my hands.

Despite this, I didn't hear from Mike until last week, a month into the quarter. It was a Tuesday night and I was watching basketball. My phone rang and I answered.


"Hey C.C.! It's Mike."

"Hey man. How are you?"

"Good, good, thanks. How are you?"

I responded and Mike and I got caught up on each others lives.

"So, I was wondering if you wanted to get together sometime?" Mike asked.

"Yeah, of course. When?"

"You free now?"

Even though I was watching basketball, I wasn't really free. I had a paper and other homework waiting on me. But I really wanted to see him.

"Uhhh... yeah, I'm free I guess." Cock always beat out responsibility :)

"Cool. You hungry?"

"Ummm, sure. Yeah."

"Cool. You ready now? I can pick you up."

"Let me hop in the shower. You wanna be here in 15?"

"Yeah, sounds good."

We hung up and I hopped into action. I ran into my room, stripped, grabbed clean clothes, and headed to the bathroom. I took a quick shower and got dressed quickly. I put on a pair of black jeans and a semi-casual red, long sleeved shirt. I hadn't shaved in a couple days and had a healthy amount of stubble. Just as I was finishing with my hair, I heard a knock on the door. I grabbed a jacket and opened the door.

"Hey," I said. Mike was as hot as ever. He had on a pair of faded jeans, a white sweater, and a black jacket.

"Hey," Mike said, looking me over. "I forgot how hot you were!"

I laughed. "I was just thinking the same about you."

I closed my door and we headed towards the car. We got caught up with each other a little more as we made our way to the restaurant. We parked and made our way to the restaurant.

"So, I wasn't expecting dinner when you called," I said as we glanced over the menu.

"Oh yeah? What were you expecting?!" Mike smirked.

"The usual "You wanna fuck?" 2 minute conversation."

"Well, I still intend on asking that question but I need to load up on some carbs so I have the energy when you say yes."

"What makes you think I'm gonna say yes?!"

"I'm buying dinner. Plus, you asked me to your apartment after knowing me for 3 hours." Mike gave me a cocky smile.

"You saying I'm loose?"

"No, I'm just saying you can't resist me and my charm!"

"It's not your charm I can't resist, it's your uncut cock!"

"That too," Mike laughed.

We continued our back and forth until the waiter came and took our orders. Talk turned more tame as we ate our dinner. It was nice actually being out with a guy instead of just hopping in bed. Jockguy is basically the only guy I go out with. All my other hook ups usually start and end in the bedroom.

"That was one of the best steaks I've had in a while," Mike said, pushing his empty plate away.

"Yeah, mine was good too." I grabbed my beer and finished it off. "I'm definitely gonna have to put out after that."

"Was there ever a chance you wouldn't put out?"

"No, not really." I smiled

"I knew it."

"This sets the bar high for you, you know. From now on you are gonna have to buy me dinner before we fuck."

"Every time?"


"Oh well. Your ass is worth it," Mike said, grabbing the check. "Let's get outta here."

I didn't have to be told twice. I grabbed my jacket and headed to the car. Mike paid the bill and we were soon on our way back to his place. As we pulled out of the restaurant parking lot, I reached over and began rubbing Mike's crotch. He started laughing. Within seconds, his cock was pressing firmly against his jeans.

We soon pulled into his driveway and headed into his house. He shares a 3 bedroom house with a guy and girl, who happened to be gone. Once inside the house, I pounced. I grabbed Mike and pulled him into a long, deep kiss.

"I've been waiting to do that all night," I said, coming up for air.

"You shouldn't have waited for so long."

"I didn't want to scare off the old couple at the table next to us."

Mike grabbed me and led me to his room. He closed his door and took off his jacket and shirt, throwing them to the floor. His hairy chest and treasure trail drove me crazy. I ripped my shirt and jeans off. Mike and I came together and started to make out, very slowly and softly. I let my hands explore his chest, abs, and back. His hands grabbed at my cock and ass. I found his belt with my hands and unbuckled it. I dropped to my knees and unbuttoned Mike's jeans, pulling them down to his ankles. Much to my surprise, and delight, Mike's hard, uncut dick popped out.

"Free ballin', huh?" I said, taking his cock into my hands.

"Yup. It's more time efficient," Mike said, looking down and smiling.

I took Mike's cock in my mouth. His soft foreskin felt amazing on my tongue. I have to admit, I have a thing for uncut guys. They feel so soft and smooth in my mouth :)

Mike began bucking his hips and face fucking me. Both hands free, I reached down and undid my jeans, freeing my rock hard cock. Mike continued feeding me his cock.

After a couple minutes, Mike pulled out.

"Get on the bed, sexy," ordered Mike.

I kicked off my jeans and underwear and hopped on the bed, on my back. My crawled onto the bed and on top of me. Our hard cocks met as Mike laid on me.

"You still seeing that guy," Mike asked.

"Uhhh... Yeah, kinda," I said, thrown off. "Why?"

"No reason. I was just thinking I could get used to seeing you naked in my bed." Mike smiled ear to ear.

I laughed and felt myself blush.

"Are you blushing?!?"

"Uhhh, yeah, I guess."

"I forgot how shy and awkward you can be."

"Nothing gets me more in the mood than being called awkward," I laughed.

"You know what I mean."

"I do. Now, are you gonna fuck me or tell me how cute I am?!?"

"I never said you were cute."

"It was implied."

With that, Mike pushed himself up and grabbed my legs. He pulled them up and over his shoulders, exposing my waiting hole. Mike leaned forward and spit on my hole, lubing it up. That ALWAYS gets me hot!

Mike lined his cock up and slowly pushed forward. After a couple of seconds, I felt him pop in. Mike grabbed my leaking cock and began to slowly stroke it. He pushed his cock deeper and deeper until he had finally bottomed out. He stayed all the way and continued stroking me.

"You ready?" Mike asked, after about 30 seconds.

"Make me moan."

Mike smiled then proceeded to do just that. Pulling nearly all the way out, he slammed back into me, making me moan as he hit my prostrate. He again pulled almost all the way out and slammed all the way back in. I put both arms above my head and pushed against the wall, ensuring he'd get as deep in me as he could. Mike pounded away as I laid on my back, enjoying every inch. We continued in this position for about 5 minutes.

"Turn over," Mike said, slapping me on the ass.

I did as I was told. I flipped onto my stomach and pushed my ass in the air. I felt Mike's cock push against my hole and slide in. He immediately began pounding me. I began to get in my "Sex Zone", as I like to call it. Everything else in the world stopped and I only thought, felt, dreamed about the fuck I was receiving.

I felt Mike's hand grab my hair. He pushed my head down into the bed. I love when guys do that! I began moaning louder and pushing my ass even higher in the air. Mike noticed and gave me a firm smack on the ass.

"You like that?!"

"Yeah, slap my ass!"

Mike obliged and slapped my ass even harder. The stinging only spurred me on. I was moaning very loudly. Mike continued slapping my ass as he pounded it.

After about 10 minutes of ass slapping and pounding, I was ready to burst. I had yet to touch my cock but I couldn't take it. I pushed myself up on all fours.

"I'm almost there," I announced.

Mike reached around my side and grabbed my cock in his hand. He began stroking as fucked me.

"Oh my God! Oh fuck!," I yelled.

I felt my balls getting ready to empty. Mike continued stroking and pounding. After a couple more seconds, I was ready to explode.

"Fuck! Oh fuck! Fuck! Ahhhhhhh!"

Mike stroked me as I blew a HUGE load onto the bed. Line after line of cum painted the sheets below. Mike continued stroking, milking every last drop.

I was on a high and almost collapsed on the bed. Getting a jacked off by someone else while getting fucked was SO much better than stroking myself off.

I was pulled back into reality when Mike started pounding me again. I immediately forgot about myself and began to try and get Mike off. I pushed back with his every thrust. I clenched my ass around his hot cock. After a couple minutes, Mike was ready to seed me.

"I'm there!... Ohhhh FUCK!!!"

Mike grabbed my shoulders and slammed into me one last time. His cock exploded deep inside me, covering my insides with his spunk. His cock pulsated in my hole as he emptied his nuts.

Mike stayed inside me for a while, not saying a word. Finally, he pulled out, leaving my hole used and sloppy. I laid on my stomach, savoring the moment, and Mike laid on his back next to me. After a couple silent minutes, Mike rolled over towards me, throwing his arm around me. I leaned toward him and we spooned.

"That was fucking amazing," Mike said softly into my ear.

I turned around so we were stomach to stomach, face to face.

"Yes it was," I agreed.

I reached forward and met his lips with mine. Laying together naked, we made out until we both dozed off.

I woke up about an hour later. Mike was still asleep. I wanted to stay but had too much homework. I quietly got up and got dressed. Before I left, I woke Mike up and told him to call me anytime he wanted. He gave me a kiss and promised he would.

On my walk home, I got a call from Jockguy.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"On my way back to my place."

"From where?"

"A friend's." That was our code word for hook up

"Oh, really? Feel like making it two in one night?"

I laughed. "Do you think I'm a whore or something?"

"No, of course not. Whores get paid... You're just a slut," Jockguy deadpanned.

"Wow, that was a me comment."

"Annoying, isn't it?"

"Slightly." I paused. I really needed to get home and start my paper. But I was always in the mood to see Jockguy. Sex or not. "Ok," I caved. "I'm a couple blocks away. I'll be there in 5 minutes."

I never got the paper started that night. In fact, I never made it home that night. Jockguy and I ended up cuddling on his couch and watching a movie, then went to bed.

That encounter is on it's way... ;)

Thursday, February 3, 2011

My Straight Past, Pt. 4..... with sex... ;-)

"I'm so sorry for the last 2 years. I'm sorr-"

"No, don't be," Sarah interrupted. "You had every right. I fucked up."

"I know but I should have gotten over it quicker. You mean too much to me to have shut you out for so long."

"Thank you." Sarah leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "I'm hungry and we need to talk. Let's go grab some food." She leaped up and walked towards the front door, grabbing her coat.

God I missed her.

I quickly got up, threw my coat on, and followed her to my car.

"Where to?" I asked, pulling out of the driveway.

"I don't know. Nothing is going to be open."

"Let's grab something and bring it back here."

Sarah ok'd my plan and we were off. After arguing about where to go, Sarah won out and we went to Subway (I was hoping for Taco Bell. After the recent news about them, I'm glad Sarah convinced me otherwise lol).

While in line watching our sandwiches get made, Sarah nonchalantly wrapped her arm around my waist. In fact, I don't think she realized she was doing because at the time she telling our sandwich maker she wanted extra tomatoes. I didn't really know what to do. Was she just being friendly? Was she hitting on me? I kind of put my arm around her shoulders. She didn't seem to notice.

When it was time to pay, Sarah pushed my hand aside and paid.

"You didn't have to do that," I said, getting in the car.

"Yeah I did. I owe you."

"You think THIS," I said, holding up my sub, "is going to make up for you breaking my heart?"

"We could head downtown and I could buy you another type of footlong, if ya know what I mean."

"Oh God. I get to hear you make "C.C. likes penis" jokes now?"

Sarah started laughing.

"Just drive. We have plenty of time to talk about you liking guys."

When we got back to Sarah's house, we grabbed some drinks and headed up to her room and ate our food.

"Your parents won't mind if I'm up here?"

"They never really cared before. They trust me, you know that."

"They shouldn't. You and I used to get very, very naked in here!"

"Yes, yes we did. And we used to get very naked in the bathroom. And the kitchen. And the family room. And the garden shed that one time."

"Oh my God! I totally forgot about that! That was... That was A LOT of fun." I said, as I started to blush.

Sarah grabbed her drink and laid on her bed.

"That's one of the reasons I was so surprised when Jason told me you were gay."

I got up from the desk chair I was in and joined Sarah on the bed. I grabbed some pillows and propped myself up against the headboard, knowing this conversation would last a while.

"So, you didn't know I was before?"

"Not really. After Jason told me, a couple things started making more sense. But I didn't know."

"How'd you take it?" I asked, curious about her feelings.

"It was... I... It felt weird. On some level it fit and something clicked and I thought "That makes sense." But another part of me was seriously surprised. Like shocked. I didn't believe Jason at first. I thought he was being an idiot, trying to make me stop badgering him. But he told me in a serious tone that he wasn't joking. I was shocked."

"That's funny because Jason wasn't really shocked. He said he had suspected something was up for a while."

"He said you haven't told your family yet?"

"Nope. Haven't told any of them."

"Not even your brothers or cousins?"


"Why not?"

"I don't know. I just can't get myself to."

Sarah grabbed my hand and interlocked our fingers.

"I'd think they'd be the first you tell."

"I know. I think about it every day but... I just can't can't do it." At this point, I got a little choked up. And I am not one to cry. At all. I like to keep those emotions buried deep down lol.

Sarah reached up and wiped a tear from my eye. It was only the second time I had ever cried in front of her.

"Hey. It's ok. You'll do it when it's right. And I know how much your family loves you. It will be ok." She leaned in and hugged me.

"Thanks." I said, hugging her tightly.

"You mind if I ask some questions?" Sarah asked, pulling out of the hug.

"Yes, I like getting fucked and yes, I can give head better than you."

"C.C.!" Sarah shrieked. "Oh my God, you are sick!" She punched me in the stomach. I rolled over laughing.

"That is NOT what I wanted to know. And nobody gives head as well as I do!"

She was kind of right. She gave REALLY good head. But I didn't have the heart, or the courage, to tell her I knew at least 4 guys who do it better.

"Ok, ask away."

"When did you know?"

"I kinda always knew."

"Even when we were together?"

"Before then. I knew something was different when I in first and second grade. I can't explain it, I just knew I was different. I didn't realize until about 5th or 6th grade that the difference was that I liked boys."

Sarah dropped her head and softly asked her next question. "So, was everything between us fake then?"

"What? Of course not! How could you ask that?"

"I can ask that because you're gay!" Sarah said in a very serious tone.

"Babe, I loved you with all my heart. I wanted to MARRY you. I put aside my attraction towards guys because I loved you so much. In fact, if you hadn't broke up with me I would have never tried being with a guy. I was all yours."

"That doesn't sound like you're gay to me."

"Fuck the labels. In my life I have loved two people. You and the guy I'm seeing now. A guy and a girl. I don't care what you call it."

"I just... After I found out, part of me was pissed at you. I was mad because YOU didn't tell me. And I was mad because I thought it meant our relationship was a lie."

"It wasn't a lie. Everything I said and felt was the honest-to-God truth. And I didn't tell you because I didn't want to fuck things up."

"I wouldn't have cared. You know that. I love and loved everything about you. I worshiped you," Sarah said, shedding a tear.

"I was sooo young. I hadn't even BEEN with a guy yet. And I thought there was no sense in telling you because we were going to be together forever and I wouldn't ever have to worry about guys. You were all I needed." I reached out and pulled Sarah into me. I wrapped my arm around her and she rest her head on my chest. "I was SO mad at you when you broke up with me. I was SO mad. You led me along all summer. You had plenty of time to call it off but you waited and waited. But part of me was angry at you because I knew I had to confront my own problems. I knew I had to confront liking guys. Part of the reason I was so pissed at you is because I blamed you for it. I blamed you for pushing me in that direction. Looking back though, I have to thank you. You made it ok for me to explore. You breaking my heart ended up doing me good in the long-run."

Sarah squeezed me tightly and began to cry. I held her, tears rolling down my cheek.

For the next hour, Sarah and I laid on her bed, embracing, not saying a word. I didn't want to talk about "us" anymore. I had finally gotten things out in the open and off my chest. I felt relieved.

At some point, I drifted to sleep. I came to when I heard Sarah open her closet door. I glanced over and saw that she had changed into her "pajamas" - a dark blue wife-beater and panties. I watched her as she moved and straightened things up in her closet. She still had the hottest ass and legs I've ever seen. For a girl, of course ;)

"Stop looking at my ass," Sarah said, startling me. She had always had an uncanny ability to catch me looking at her, even when her back was to me.

"How the fuck do you do that?" I asked, laughing.

"I know you too well. You were always an ass guy. That should have been my first clue." Sarah closed the closet door and got on the bed next to me. I was still half laying down and she was to my right, sitting on the bed.

"So," she said, grabbing a crap load of pillows," tell me about the guy." She used the pillows to prop herself up. She leaned back and sprawled her legs across my lap. "You might as well give me a foot and leg rub while you're at it," she added, smiling.

I grabbed her right foot and started talking.

"Well, what would you like to know?"


"You have a starting point I should begin at?"

"Umm, how about a name and how you met, Genius." I grabbed Sarah's inner thigh and began to squeeze. She started squealing and laughing. She flailed her legs and finally broke from my ticklish grip.

"Asshole!" she said, throwing a pillow at me.

"I missed doing that," I smiled.

"Ok, back to business." Sarah got seated and promptly thrust her feet in my lap.

"His name is Jockguy," I said, rubbing her feet. "He goes to UO."

"How'd you meet?"

"Ummm... Well... It's kind of embarassing."

"This from the guy who told his ex girlfriend he gives better blowjobs than she does!"

"Fair point. We met online."

"That's not embarrassing. A lot of my friends do online dating."

I went to tell her that Craigslist isn't exactly online dating but decided not too.

"Ok, good. Well, yeah. We met online. We talked for a month or so before meeting. Neither of us was out. We ended up meeting for the first time at the Civil War last year."

"Oh my God, your first date was a football game?! He's just like you, isn't he?"

"What is THAT supposed to mean?"

"He's a sports-crazy, testosterone filled jock."

"Oh. Well, then yes, he is like me."

"Dear Lord. There are two of you?!?"

I reached for her thigh but she slapped my hand away.

"I'm sorry! Continue!"

"That's what I thought! Anyways... So yeah, the Civil War was our first date."

"So, you've been together a year?" Sarah asked in a surprised voice.

"Uhhh, kinda."

"What does kinda mean?"

"It's complicated. We are basically a couple but we've never talked about it. We've never talked about being exclusive or anything."

"But are you exclusive?"

"Ummm, not really," I replied with nervous laughter.

"Oh my God, you little slut!" Sarah laughed.

All I could do was laugh.

"You have a picture of him?" she asked.

I grabbed my phone, found a picture of Jockguy, and handed it to her. She studied it for a while without saying anything. Finally, she looked up.

"I hate you."

"What? Why?" I laughed.

"He is hotter than any guy I've hooked up with at school!"

"Well, duh. Grade A bait like this catches only the best," I said, running my hand up and down in front of myself.

Sarah gave me a dirty look and rolled her eyes.

"I'm seriously jealous," she said, looking back at Jockguy's pic.

"Yeah, you should be. He's pretty awesome."

"So, what's he like?" she asked, handing me back the phone.

"Funny, smart, charismatic, sarcastic, sweet, real." I could feel myself smiling like an idiot. But I couldn't help it. Jockguy makes me like that.

"You really like him, don't you?"

I nodded my head. "I really, really do. I love him."

Sarah swung her legs around and crawled over to me, giving me hug.

"I am SO happy for you." She kissed me on the cheek. She cuddled up to me and laid her head on my chest.

"So, why aren't you guys exclusive?"

"Well, I guess you could say I'm making up for lost time." I said with a laugh.

"Just you?"

"No. He's as new to guys as I am. We both have our fun on the side. It's kind of an unspoken agreement."

"I see."

A pause and silence fell over the room. I began to rub Sarah's shoulder. She began tracing her finger up and down my abs. She turned her head and looked me in the eyes.

"What are you thinking?"

"How we never properly had break-up sex." I said with a huge grin.

"Me too."

I moved my hand from her shoulder to her ass and gave it a squeeze. With that, Sarah crawled on top of me and we began kissing. I kicked off my shoes and Sarah pulled off her tanktop. I grabbed her and pulled her into me.

Within seconds we were both naked. And I was transported back in time to this room, this feeling, this girl.

Everything was familiar yet new. Her skin was soft. Hair smelled the same. Her touch was the same. She tasted the same. Yet every sensation and feeling seemed new. I hadn't experienced a woman in such a long time. There body, smell, skin, and touch are so different than a guy's.

And I was different. I took control. I picked her up and moved her. I flipped her over on her back and minutes later, flipped her back on top of me.

It was such a change from sex with guys. And not a bad one.

When we were finished, Sarah's naked body clung to mine like a blanket. I was physically and emotionally drained. I was exhausted and in a sex haze. Before I knew it, I had drifted to sleep.

I awoke about an hour later. Sarah was cuddled up to me, asleep, head on my chest. She was topless but had put on her panties. I gently shook her awake.

"Sarah. Babe." She opened her eyes. "I should probably go before your parents get up."

"No," she said, pulling me back into bed. "They'll be fine. I want you to stay."

Sarah pushed me onto my back and rolled on top of me. Her bare chest was against mine.

"I can't really say no to that!" I leaned forward and met my lips to Sarah's. We enjoyed another round before falling asleep again.

Around 11 the next morning, I woke up. Sarah was at her computer, still in just panties.

"Wow," she said looking at the clock. "Awake before 11. You really HAVE changed!"

"Shut it! You know I have a no talking rule when I wake up." I grabbed one of my pillows and threw it at her. "Besides, I need to sneak out of here before your parents find out."

"God! Would you relax. We aren't in high school anymore." Sarah grabbed the pillow and walked over to the bed. She sat on the edge and looked at me. "Last night was... Well, it was fun. And not just the sex. Everything. I really missed you."

"I missed you too. And, yes, last night was fun. Except for the sex. I finally know what turned me onto guys..."

"God, you really haven't changed. Still the same smart-ass you always were."

I smiled and looked away and out the window. I thought of Jockguy.

"What's wrong?"

"Uhh, nothing. I was just thinking about Jockguy. He calls me a smart-ass all the time. His way of saying 'I love you'."

"Oh." Sarah got up and covered her chest with the pillow. "Should we have done this?"

I got out of bed and walked over to her. I pulled her into me and hugged her tightly.

"It's ok. I wanted this just as much as you, if not more. It's ok."

"I just don't want to mess things up for you."

"You won't. I promise."

I held Sarah in my arms. My feelings for her will never change. I love her and always will.

Eventually, Sarah and I both got dressed and ventured downstairs. Luckily, her parents had left. I made Sarah breakfast. We ate and talked about old and new times. I got completely caught up on her life.

As I got ready to leave, a content feeling fell over me. A huge part of my life was back and a hugely painful period in my life was over. As Sarah walked me to the car, seemingly everything in my life was in, or heading in, a positive direction.

"Thanks again for everything," I said as I opened my car door.

"You too. Seeing you has been... amazing. I love you."

I hugged Sarah tightly.

"I love you too. You are the coolest person I know."

We let go and I got in the car.

"Expect to see a lot of me this break," Sarah said.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

I closed my door and watched Sarah walk up her driveway and into her house. I sat in my car and reflected on the last 24 hours. My life had changed so drastically, in such a positive way, that I was giddy.

I pulled out of the driveway and tried to focus on the drive home. But I couldn't. I HAD to call. I reached into my pocket and grabbed my phone. At a red light, I found the number I needed. Breaking Oregon driving laws, I dialed the number as I started to drive.

"Hello?" Jockguy answered.

"Hey, it's me. You won't believe who I ran into last night..."

~~~The End ~~~

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

My Straight Past, Pt. 3 (Non-sex)

September 2008 -

"I don't want to hear it! How can you do this to me? I fucking LOVE you!"

"I love you too. But we are going to different schools, in different states. You didn't expect this to last, did you?"

"You have NO faith in me and you never have!"

"I do, I do. I just don't think long distance works."

"How do you know? You've never tried."

"It never works for anybody. You know that."

"Life isn't some fairytale where everything magically happens. You have to work at relationships. Calling it quits without even trying is a dick move."

"Don't be like this, babe. We still have time. We leave in two weeks. Let's make the most of it."

"No... If you are going to end it, you end it now. Not in two weeks, or two days, or two hours... Now."

"... Ok... Now..."


"Would you like to come in?" Sarah asked.

"Uhhh. Ummm, I don't think so. It's kinda late."

"Oh, come on. It's 12:30."

"I have an early day tomorrow."

Sarah began laughing. "You NEVER wake up before 10, especially on the weekend! Don't pull that bullshit with me! I know you too well!"

I was caught and started to laugh.

"Come on. My parents would love to see you."

Sarah looked at me and smiled. I couldn't resist that smile.


I turned the car off and took my seatbelt off. As I reached for the door handle I hesitated. I hadn't been inside Sarah's house sine we broke up. And I hadn't see her parents since then, either. I took a deep breath and got out of the car.

I followed Sarah up the pathway to the front door. When we reached it, Sarah glanced at me.

"Are you nervous?" she asked, chuckling.

"Uhhh, kinda! I haven't seen your parents in forever!"

"Stop worrying! You know they love you!"

"I know but it's still weird."

"Only if you make it weird!" Sarah said as she opened the door.

My heart began to race as soon as the door opened. Sarah led the way as we walked down the entry into the living room. We heard noise from the family room.

"Mom!" Sarah called out.

"In here." The voice came from the family room.

We made our way down a short hall to the family room entrance. Before getting there, Sarah stopped and whispered in my ear.

"Wait here. I want to surprise them."

"Really?!" I whispered back.

"Just do it!" she replied, shooting me daggers. If I learned ONE thing while dating Sarah, it was not to mess with her when she gave that look! I waited just outside the family room as Sarah entered.

"How was the party?" Sarah's mom asked.

"Great. It was nice seeing everyone again. Where's dad?"

"In bed. Who all was there?"

"The usuals plus about 30 people. I brought you a present."


"Yup. C.C., come here."

I turned the corner, as ordered. The look on Sarah's mom's face was priceless!

"Oh my God! C.C.! How are you?" she said, as she jumped up and went in for a hug.

"I'm great! It's nice to see you, Mrs. James," I said as we hugged.

"Knock that Mrs. James crap off, you know to call me Laurie!"

Our hug ended and we found our seats. Laurie had a huge smile on her face. I sat next to Sarah on the couch, her mother was in a recliner a few feet away.

"It is so nice to see you! We've missed you around here," Laurie said.

"Yeah, I've missed you guys as well."

"So, I take it you met up with Sarah at the party?"

"Yeah," Sarah jumped in, "he volunteered to give me a ride home after Chelsea bailed."

"Of course he did. He was always a gentlemen," Laurie said to Sarah.

"Oh God, here we go," Sarah said, falling back into the couch. "I don't know why you were nervous. She likes you more than she likes me!"

"You can't really blame her, can you?!?" I said smiling. Laurie burst into laughter as Sarah punched me in the arm.

We continued talking with Laurie for about 30 minutes. She interrogated me like mothers do. I filled her in on school and social life, even if I had to lie about my love for cock :) After I had thoroughly spilled my guts, Laurie decided it was time for her to head to bed.

"It was so nice seeing you," she said as she hugged me again. "Next time, don't wait 2 years in between visits."

"I won't," I laughed.

Laurie went to bed, leaving Sarah and I alone... In the same room where our relationship had ended 2 years prior.

"God, she just LOVES you!" Sarah said.

"Like I said before, can you really blame here? I am, after all, me."

"Nice to know you have stayed so humble over the years."

A silence fell over the two of us. I couldn't think of anything to say. I glanced over at Sarah, who was mute as well. She flashed a nervous smile.

"Man, this is awkward, isn't it?" she laughed.


"Well, I'm gonna power through," she said, as she pulled her legs onto the couch and turned to face me. "There is actually something I wanted to talk to you about. I have been talking with Jason a lot lately. You and I stopped talking but Jason and I have stayed pretty close. We were talking the other day and you came up."

I didn't like where this was going. I started squirming in my seat, unable to get comfortable. Sarah noticed and reached out, gently squeezing my arm.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

I wanted to get up and leave but I couldn't. Unable to speak, I nodded my head. She continued.

"I started asking about you. How you were doing, how school was, if you were seeing anyone. Jason became a little defensive. Told me not try and start things up with you again. He said you were going through some things and couldn't deal with me. I wasn't trying to start things up but he thought I was. Anyways, I asked him what you were going through. He said 'some stuff'. I kept asking for specifics but he wouldn't give me any. Finally, I got pissed and practically yelled at him to tell me."

I became really warm and had to take my coat off. I leaned forward and took a huge breath.

"He told you..."

Sarah slid over and wrapped her arms around me.

"Yeah, he did... Please don't be mad at him. I had to practically beat it out of him. It wasn't his fault."

Sarah pulled me into a hug.

"I love you so much. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help." she said, starting to cry.

I gave in and turned so I could hug her. The emotions I was feeling were vast. Pain, happiness, relief, angry, sorrow, regret. I suddenly hated myself for shutting Sarah out of my life. I hated that I hadn't seen her in 2 years. I hated that she had to find out about me through someone else.

Sarah and I embraced on the couch for what seemed like an eternity. Neither of us said anything.

The silence and moment was broken by a text to me from none other than Jason. After responding to it, I looked up at Sarah.

"I'm so sorry for the last 2 years. I'm sorr-"

"No, don't be," Sarah interrupted. "You had every right. I fucked up."

"I know but I should have gotten over it quicker. You mean too much to me to have shut you out for so long."

"Thank you." Sarah leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "I'm hungry and we need to talk. Let's go grab some food." She leaped up and walked towards the front door, grabbing her coat.

God I missed her...

Saturday, January 22, 2011

My Straight Past, Pt. 2 (Non sex)

I met Sarah 5th or 6th grade. She and her family moved to our district from across town. We weren't in the same class but were in band together (yes, I was in band). We were okay friends but nothing special. In middle school, we were on different halls, so we rarely saw each other. Freshmen year of high school we hung out in the same group of friends. There were about 10 of us that always hung out. Sarah began dating my best friend Jason halfway through our sophomore year.

As our sophomore year ended, Sarah and Jason broke up. And as is the case in high school, I swooped in and started dating her. For the most part, the first couple months we went out were pretty tame. Very "high school". I'll admit our "relationship" wasn't too deep. But the summer in between 10th and 11th grade, I lost someone very close to me. Sarah basically lead me through all the pain and heartache. I began to realize that she and I had something special. By the end of our junior year, I was in love. And not high school love. True, honest to God love. (As I write this, I'm still in love with her lol).

All the while, I am having feelings towards guys. Not romantic feelings but physical feelings. I knew I was attracted to guys. But I was so happy with Sarah, I never thought about acting on my desires. I loved her too much to cheat. So I kept my secret hidden.

As high school wound down, Sarah and I both decided on colleges. She got a scholarship to play volleyball at a small Div. 1 school in California. I had chosen the U of O for a couple key reasons. I was disappointed we weren't going to see each other everyday but I was also happy for her. She lives and breathes volleyball.

In our discussions about being apart, we never once talked about breaking up. It wasn't an option. We loved each other. I was convinced we were going to get married.

The summer wound down and we were 2 weeks from leaving. Sarah and I had a low-key date at her house. Her parents were gone for the weekend. We cooked dinner together and watched a movie. When the movie was over, I leaned over and started to kiss her. She pulled away and told me we needed to talk...


Sarah grabbed her drink off of a bookshelf and made her way towards me. Surprisingly, I started to calm down. I lowered my head and took a deep breath as she approached. Lifting my head, I was face to face with the first of two people I have truly loved.

"Hey. How are you?" Sarah asked with a smile.

"I'm great. How are you?"

"Good, good."

The friends I was talking with sensed the awkwardness and decided it was time to refill their glasses. They left me alone with Sarah.

"How is school?"

"It's pretty good. I had a rough term but survived it." I was nervous and could tell she knew I was.

"You'll be fine. You always knew how survive and get good grades. Remember senior year in Johnson's AP chem class? You were the only one who got higher than a C." Sarah laughed. She reached out and touched my forearm.

"Yeah, I remember. You and Jason were pissed I killed the curve on the tests."

"It wasn't just me and Jason. The whole class wanted to kill you!"

We both laughed. Then an awkward silence fell upon us. Luckily for me, one of Sarah's friends broke. She told Sarah that since the party was dying down, she was going out with a couple of other people to a bar.

"You're my ride though," Sarah said.

"I can you take you home." The words came out before I knew what I was doing.

Sarah looked at me, slightly stunned. "Really?"

"Uhh, sure. It's on my way home."

"Ok, cool. I'm gonna go say goodbye to some people." Sarah ran off in the direction of the kitchen.

I found Jason and asked him if he could take home the 2 guys I brought to the party.

"Umm, yeah, I guess. Why?"

"I'm gonna give Sarah a ride home."

Jason just looked at me. "Seriously?"


"You sure?"


"So now you are talking and being friendly to her?"


"Ok, stop with the one word answers, asshole." Jason leaned in and whispered,"I thought you were seeing a guy?"

"I am. Kinda."

"So what are you doing with Sarah?"

"I'm just giving her a ride. I'm not gonna fuck her in my car if that's what you are thinking."

"I wasn't thinking that. I was thinking you were going to give her a strap-on and have her fuck you!"

"If you don't watch it I'll wrestle your ass to the ground and fuck it!"


Just then, Sarah came up to us.

"I'm ready. Thanks for the party, Jason." Sarah and Jason hugged.

I thanked Jason and Sarah and I made our way to the car. I backed out of the driveway and headed towards Sarah's. The drive was slightly awkward. We made small talk. We talked about classes and majors. 10 minutes later, I pulled into Sarah's driveway.

"Would you like to come in?" Sarah asked.

"Uhhh. Ummm, I don't think so. It's kinda late."

"Oh, come on. It's 12:30."

"I have an early day tomorrow."

Sarah began laughing. "You NEVER wake up before 10, especially on the weekend! Don't pull that bullshit with me! I know you too well!"

I was caught and started to laugh.

"Come on. My parents would love to see you."

Sarah looked at me and smiled. I couldn't resist that smile.