"I'm so sorry for the last 2 years. I'm sorr-"
"No, don't be," Sarah interrupted. "You had every right. I fucked up."
"I know but I should have gotten over it quicker. You mean too much to me to have shut you out for so long."
"Thank you." Sarah leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "I'm hungry and we need to talk. Let's go grab some food." She leaped up and walked towards the front door, grabbing her coat.
God I missed her.
I quickly got up, threw my coat on, and followed her to my car.
"Where to?" I asked, pulling out of the driveway.
"I don't know. Nothing is going to be open."
"Let's grab something and bring it back here."
Sarah ok'd my plan and we were off. After arguing about where to go, Sarah won out and we went to Subway (I was hoping for Taco Bell. After the recent news about them, I'm glad Sarah convinced me otherwise lol).
While in line watching our sandwiches get made, Sarah nonchalantly wrapped her arm around my waist. In fact, I don't think she realized she was doing because at the time she telling our sandwich maker she wanted extra tomatoes. I didn't really know what to do. Was she just being friendly? Was she hitting on me? I kind of put my arm around her shoulders. She didn't seem to notice.
When it was time to pay, Sarah pushed my hand aside and paid.
"You didn't have to do that," I said, getting in the car.
"Yeah I did. I owe you."
"You think THIS," I said, holding up my sub, "is going to make up for you breaking my heart?"
"We could head downtown and I could buy you another type of footlong, if ya know what I mean."
"Oh God. I get to hear you make "C.C. likes penis" jokes now?"
Sarah started laughing.
"Just drive. We have plenty of time to talk about you liking guys."
When we got back to Sarah's house, we grabbed some drinks and headed up to her room and ate our food.
"Your parents won't mind if I'm up here?"
"They never really cared before. They trust me, you know that."
"They shouldn't. You and I used to get very, very naked in here!"
"Yes, yes we did. And we used to get very naked in the bathroom. And the kitchen. And the family room. And the garden shed that one time."
"Oh my God! I totally forgot about that! That was... That was A LOT of fun." I said, as I started to blush.
Sarah grabbed her drink and laid on her bed.
"That's one of the reasons I was so surprised when Jason told me you were gay."
I got up from the desk chair I was in and joined Sarah on the bed. I grabbed some pillows and propped myself up against the headboard, knowing this conversation would last a while.
"So, you didn't know I was before?"
"Not really. After Jason told me, a couple things started making more sense. But I didn't know."
"How'd you take it?" I asked, curious about her feelings.
"It was... I... It felt weird. On some level it fit and something clicked and I thought "That makes sense." But another part of me was seriously surprised. Like shocked. I didn't believe Jason at first. I thought he was being an idiot, trying to make me stop badgering him. But he told me in a serious tone that he wasn't joking. I was shocked."
"That's funny because Jason wasn't really shocked. He said he had suspected something was up for a while."
"He said you haven't told your family yet?"
"Nope. Haven't told any of them."
"Not even your brothers or cousins?"
"I don't know. I just can't get myself to."
Sarah grabbed my hand and interlocked our fingers.
"I'd think they'd be the first you tell."
"I know. I think about it every day but... I just can't can't do it." At this point, I got a little choked up. And I am not one to cry. At all. I like to keep those emotions buried deep down lol.
Sarah reached up and wiped a tear from my eye. It was only the second time I had ever cried in front of her.
"Hey. It's ok. You'll do it when it's right. And I know how much your family loves you. It will be ok." She leaned in and hugged me.
"Thanks." I said, hugging her tightly.
"You mind if I ask some questions?" Sarah asked, pulling out of the hug.
"Yes, I like getting fucked and yes, I can give head better than you."
"C.C.!" Sarah shrieked. "Oh my God, you are sick!" She punched me in the stomach. I rolled over laughing.
"That is NOT what I wanted to know. And nobody gives head as well as I do!"
She was kind of right. She gave REALLY good head. But I didn't have the heart, or the courage, to tell her I knew at least 4 guys who do it better.
"Ok, ask away."
"When did you know?"
"I kinda always knew."
"Even when we were together?"
"Before then. I knew something was different when I in first and second grade. I can't explain it, I just knew I was different. I didn't realize until about 5th or 6th grade that the difference was that I liked boys."
Sarah dropped her head and softly asked her next question. "So, was everything between us fake then?"
"What? Of course not! How could you ask that?"
"I can ask that because you're gay!" Sarah said in a very serious tone.
"Babe, I loved you with all my heart. I wanted to MARRY you. I put aside my attraction towards guys because I loved you so much. In fact, if you hadn't broke up with me I would have never tried being with a guy. I was all yours."
"That doesn't sound like you're gay to me."
"Fuck the labels. In my life I have loved two people. You and the guy I'm seeing now. A guy and a girl. I don't care what you call it."
"I just... After I found out, part of me was pissed at you. I was mad because YOU didn't tell me. And I was mad because I thought it meant our relationship was a lie."
"It wasn't a lie. Everything I said and felt was the honest-to-God truth. And I didn't tell you because I didn't want to fuck things up."
"I wouldn't have cared. You know that. I love and loved everything about you. I worshiped you," Sarah said, shedding a tear.
"I was sooo young. I hadn't even BEEN with a guy yet. And I thought there was no sense in telling you because we were going to be together forever and I wouldn't ever have to worry about guys. You were all I needed." I reached out and pulled Sarah into me. I wrapped my arm around her and she rest her head on my chest. "I was SO mad at you when you broke up with me. I was SO mad. You led me along all summer. You had plenty of time to call it off but you waited and waited. But part of me was angry at you because I knew I had to confront my own problems. I knew I had to confront liking guys. Part of the reason I was so pissed at you is because I blamed you for it. I blamed you for pushing me in that direction. Looking back though, I have to thank you. You made it ok for me to explore. You breaking my heart ended up doing me good in the long-run."
Sarah squeezed me tightly and began to cry. I held her, tears rolling down my cheek.
For the next hour, Sarah and I laid on her bed, embracing, not saying a word. I didn't want to talk about "us" anymore. I had finally gotten things out in the open and off my chest. I felt relieved.
At some point, I drifted to sleep. I came to when I heard Sarah open her closet door. I glanced over and saw that she had changed into her "pajamas" - a dark blue wife-beater and panties. I watched her as she moved and straightened things up in her closet. She still had the hottest ass and legs I've ever seen. For a girl, of course ;)
"Stop looking at my ass," Sarah said, startling me. She had always had an uncanny ability to catch me looking at her, even when her back was to me.
"How the fuck do you do that?" I asked, laughing.
"I know you too well. You were always an ass guy. That should have been my first clue." Sarah closed the closet door and got on the bed next to me. I was still half laying down and she was to my right, sitting on the bed.
"So," she said, grabbing a crap load of pillows," tell me about the guy." She used the pillows to prop herself up. She leaned back and sprawled her legs across my lap. "You might as well give me a foot and leg rub while you're at it," she added, smiling.
I grabbed her right foot and started talking.
"Well, what would you like to know?"
"You have a starting point I should begin at?"
"Umm, how about a name and how you met, Genius." I grabbed Sarah's inner thigh and began to squeeze. She started squealing and laughing. She flailed her legs and finally broke from my ticklish grip.
"Asshole!" she said, throwing a pillow at me.
"I missed doing that," I smiled.
"Ok, back to business." Sarah got seated and promptly thrust her feet in my lap.
"His name is Jockguy," I said, rubbing her feet. "He goes to UO."
"How'd you meet?"
"Ummm... Well... It's kind of embarassing."
"This from the guy who told his ex girlfriend he gives better blowjobs than she does!"
"Fair point. We met online."
"That's not embarrassing. A lot of my friends do online dating."
I went to tell her that Craigslist isn't exactly online dating but decided not too.
"Ok, good. Well, yeah. We met online. We talked for a month or so before meeting. Neither of us was out. We ended up meeting for the first time at the Civil War last year."
"Oh my God, your first date was a football game?! He's just like you, isn't he?"
"What is THAT supposed to mean?"
"He's a sports-crazy, testosterone filled jock."
"Oh. Well, then yes, he is like me."
"Dear Lord. There are two of you?!?"
I reached for her thigh but she slapped my hand away.
"I'm sorry! Continue!"
"That's what I thought! Anyways... So yeah, the Civil War was our first date."
"So, you've been together a year?" Sarah asked in a surprised voice.
"What does kinda mean?"
"It's complicated. We are basically a couple but we've never talked about it. We've never talked about being exclusive or anything."
"But are you exclusive?"
"Ummm, not really," I replied with nervous laughter.
"Oh my God, you little slut!" Sarah laughed.
All I could do was laugh.
"You have a picture of him?" she asked.
I grabbed my phone, found a picture of Jockguy, and handed it to her. She studied it for a while without saying anything. Finally, she looked up.
"I hate you."
"What? Why?" I laughed.
"He is hotter than any guy I've hooked up with at school!"
"Well, duh. Grade A bait like this catches only the best," I said, running my hand up and down in front of myself.
Sarah gave me a dirty look and rolled her eyes.
"I'm seriously jealous," she said, looking back at Jockguy's pic.
"Yeah, you should be. He's pretty awesome."
"So, what's he like?" she asked, handing me back the phone.
"Funny, smart, charismatic, sarcastic, sweet, real." I could feel myself smiling like an idiot. But I couldn't help it. Jockguy makes me like that.
"You really like him, don't you?"
I nodded my head. "I really, really do. I love him."
Sarah swung her legs around and crawled over to me, giving me hug.
"I am SO happy for you." She kissed me on the cheek. She cuddled up to me and laid her head on my chest.
"So, why aren't you guys exclusive?"
"Well, I guess you could say I'm making up for lost time." I said with a laugh.
"No. He's as new to guys as I am. We both have our fun on the side. It's kind of an unspoken agreement."
A pause and silence fell over the room. I began to rub Sarah's shoulder. She began tracing her finger up and down my abs. She turned her head and looked me in the eyes.
"What are you thinking?"
"How we never properly had break-up sex." I said with a huge grin.
I moved my hand from her shoulder to her ass and gave it a squeeze. With that, Sarah crawled on top of me and we began kissing. I kicked off my shoes and Sarah pulled off her tanktop. I grabbed her and pulled her into me.
Within seconds we were both naked. And I was transported back in time to this room, this feeling, this girl.
Everything was familiar yet new. Her skin was soft. Hair smelled the same. Her touch was the same. She tasted the same. Yet every sensation and feeling seemed new. I hadn't experienced a woman in such a long time. There body, smell, skin, and touch are so different than a guy's.
And I was different. I took control. I picked her up and moved her. I flipped her over on her back and minutes later, flipped her back on top of me.
It was such a change from sex with guys. And not a bad one.
When we were finished, Sarah's naked body clung to mine like a blanket. I was physically and emotionally drained. I was exhausted and in a sex haze. Before I knew it, I had drifted to sleep.
I awoke about an hour later. Sarah was cuddled up to me, asleep, head on my chest. She was topless but had put on her panties. I gently shook her awake.
"Sarah. Babe." She opened her eyes. "I should probably go before your parents get up."
"No," she said, pulling me back into bed. "They'll be fine. I want you to stay."
Sarah pushed me onto my back and rolled on top of me. Her bare chest was against mine.
"I can't really say no to that!" I leaned forward and met my lips to Sarah's. We enjoyed another round before falling asleep again.
Around 11 the next morning, I woke up. Sarah was at her computer, still in just panties.
"Wow," she said looking at the clock. "Awake before 11. You really HAVE changed!"
"Shut it! You know I have a no talking rule when I wake up." I grabbed one of my pillows and threw it at her. "Besides, I need to sneak out of here before your parents find out."
"God! Would you relax. We aren't in high school anymore." Sarah grabbed the pillow and walked over to the bed. She sat on the edge and looked at me. "Last night was... Well, it was fun. And not just the sex. Everything. I really missed you."
"I missed you too. And, yes, last night was fun. Except for the sex. I finally know what turned me onto guys..."
"God, you really haven't changed. Still the same smart-ass you always were."
I smiled and looked away and out the window. I thought of Jockguy.
"Uhh, nothing. I was just thinking about Jockguy. He calls me a smart-ass all the time. His way of saying 'I love you'."
"Oh." Sarah got up and covered her chest with the pillow. "Should we have done this?"
I got out of bed and walked over to her. I pulled her into me and hugged her tightly.
"It's ok. I wanted this just as much as you, if not more. It's ok."
"I just don't want to mess things up for you."
"You won't. I promise."
I held Sarah in my arms. My feelings for her will never change. I love her and always will.
Eventually, Sarah and I both got dressed and ventured downstairs. Luckily, her parents had left. I made Sarah breakfast. We ate and talked about old and new times. I got completely caught up on her life.
As I got ready to leave, a content feeling fell over me. A huge part of my life was back and a hugely painful period in my life was over. As Sarah walked me to the car, seemingly everything in my life was in, or heading in, a positive direction.
"Thanks again for everything," I said as I opened my car door.
"You too. Seeing you has been... amazing. I love you."
I hugged Sarah tightly.
"I love you too. You are the coolest person I know."
We let go and I got in the car.
"Expect to see a lot of me this break," Sarah said.
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
I closed my door and watched Sarah walk up her driveway and into her house. I sat in my car and reflected on the last 24 hours. My life had changed so drastically, in such a positive way, that I was giddy.
I pulled out of the driveway and tried to focus on the drive home. But I couldn't. I HAD to call. I reached into my pocket and grabbed my phone. At a red light, I found the number I needed. Breaking Oregon driving laws, I dialed the number as I started to drive.
"Hello?" Jockguy answered.
"Hey, it's me. You won't believe who I ran into last night..."
~~~The End ~~~