I just got back from a visit with my family before school starts. I come from an EXTREMELY close family. And not just parents, brothers and sisters. I'm close with my cousins, aunts, uncles, even my 2nd cousins.
I grew up with my first cousins. They were always over at our house or we were always over at their house. Our families went on vacation together every summer. We spent every Christmas and most Thanksgivings together. My cousins were/are practically my brothers and sisters. I'm as close to them as I am with my own brothers and sisters.
And by close, I mean CLOSE. I talk to them about everything. Sex, relationships, feelings, everything. In fact, here's a sample of a conversation I had with 2 of my female cousins out at dinner a couple nights ago:
Cousin 1 (She's a virgin lol): "So, does all cum taste the same?"
Cousin 2: "No, no, no. Some taste similar but some taste way different."
That is normal, everyday conversation for us. I bring this up because, as close as I am to my cousins and family, I'm not out to them. At all. I'm not even close to telling them. And it sucks because there's a big part of my life that they don't know about.
For me, it's so hard to think about telling them because I don't want things to change. I like my "status" with every one in my family. I like my relationships with them. And I'm afraid if I come out, everything changes. I'm no longer Me, I'm "gay" Me.
And being gay (oh, btw, I've decided I'm gay. I like chicks but not NEARLY as much as guys. LOL) doesn't define me. I'm not Gay CC, I'm just CC.
In one of my classes, we were supposed to put the top 5 categories you put yourself in when you think about yourself (i.e. male, female, Christian, Atheist, America, etc.). Gay/bi/homosexual wasn't in my top 5. It barely made my top 10. Not that I'm ashamed of it, I just don't think it shapes who I am as much as some other things.
But at the same time, being gay IS apart of me and who I am. How close can I be to my family if they don't even know the "real" me?
Coming out at school has helped. My friends have been amazingly supportive. The best part though is that they treat me the same as they did before I came out. There wasn't even a pause. It was like "Hey, I'm gay." "That's cool. You wanna get a pizza?"
My family is different though. While we are all very liberal (90% of us have been to multiple protests lol), there's still an attitude of "No one in OUR family is gay".
While I'm not particularly attracted to the stereotypical, loud, fem queen, part of me wishes I WAS one. My family has no clue I'm gay. NO CLUE. Part of me wishes I had rainbows shooting out of my ears so they wouldn't be so shocked to find out :)
Anyways, sorry about the long, mumbling, non sexual post. I just needed to get it off my chest! School starts next week, which means the hot freshmen guys that have been waiting to try cock are here! I love college :)